6 Ways to Handle People Who Don’t Stay in Their Lane at Work (and how to protect your energy while doing so)

I have been blessed to have great bosses throughout my career. From the pharmacy manager at the local retail pharmacy when I was an intern, to my current boss – they have all been fantastic mentors and leaders who have supported my growth.

My challenges usually come from the outside. And by that, I mean outside of my department. I work in a hospital with a lot of different people in a lot of different areas. The success of my program depends on good working relationships with these people because we couldn’t get our jobs done if we didn’t have the support of others – like our go-to people in the IT department, billing, etc…

But, there is always that person that can’t stay in their lane. They get territorial, they think they know more than everyone, they speak to your expertise, they try to steal credit,….etc…and most recently, they cut you off without knowing the background of the story.

I’m not great in these situations. But, I’m getting a lot better mainly because I’ve changed my perspective (more on that later) and learned how to ground myself when people are rude or aggressive.

I bring this up because in work, life, family, etc… we are always going to need to have emotional boundaries with the people who project their insecurities onto us and others. And why would we let that bother us? In my case, I’m sure it’s a little bit of ego and a lot of frustration because I don’t feel heard. But ultimately – their insecurity has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.

Life is filled with projection. That friend who didn’t want to be friends with you because maybe you were more popular. That co-student who didn’t tell you the whole assignment because they didn’t want you to get a better grade. The new financial analyst who won’t listen to a word you’re saying and then blasts out an email to all of the leaders asking how they can learn more about your subject **eyeroll**. Adults and parents always trying to outdo each other with their toys, or their children, or their vacations. It’s everywhere and that will never change.

Insecurity in professional environments rarely looks insecure. It often looks like gatekeeping, subtle undermining, taking credit for ideas, needing to be the loudest voice in the room, and reacting negatively when someone competent enters the meeting.

At it’s core, territorial behavior is usually based on fear. The fear of losing relevance, authority, status, recognition or control.

What I’ve also learned is that some workplaces don’t burn people out through workload alone. They burn people out through prolonged exposure to insecurity, politics, and emotional self-protection.

That’s why emotionally healthy leadership matters so much. Secure leaders expand rooms while insecure leaders take and guard them.

Not everyone who inserts themselves into your work is trying to help. Sometimes people cross boundaries because they are anxious, territorial, or controlling. Learning to stay grounded and emotionally separate is a career skill that we can build. Here are a few tips how:

Learn the difference between collaboration and control

Healthy collaboration looks like sharing ideas, respecting expertise, staying role-appropriate and working together on outcomes. Control often looks like excessive monitoring, inserting themselves into every discussion, needing visibility into everything, and questioning decisions outside of their scope.

Then….

Ground yourself in facts

When people overstep, it’s easy to get emotionally pulled into proving yourself, defending yourself or over-explaining. By returning to the actual scope, facts and ownership of the situation (even if it’s only in your mind where you do this!), you are able to focus on what is objectively true.

Don’t let someone else’s urgency become your internal state

Some people create emotional intensity around everything. They do this through excessive emails, pressure, hovering, questioning and constant involvement.

You do not have to mirror their nervous system. So reframe your mindset by saying to yourself, “just because someone else is operating out of urgency, insecurity or control doesn’t mean I have to join them there”.

Stay connected to your work

Overstepping behavior often makes competent people start second-guessing themselves. This is especially true when the other person is loud, territorial, politically skilled at communication and constantly inserting themselves into conversations. I’ve personally felt like this in a few billing situations and had to go back and check my resources because they made me doubt myself!

Grounding yourself in this situation may look like reminding yourself:

·       I know my area

·       I’ve done the work

·       I do not need to emotionally perform competence

·       I can remain calm without surrendering authority

Protect your energy

People who overstep can consume a large amount of your mental space. Don’t let them. Ground yourself by ending the mental replay, stopping those imaginary arguments in your head (you know you do it!), and redirecting focus back to the task at hand.

And for me, sometimes I just need to walk away for a minute and grab a coffee, work on something else or move my body by taking a walk or doing a few yoga poses.

Anchor yourself in purpose, not politics

This is a big one in healthcare and for mission-driven people. Workplaces are always going to be a little territorial and egos can get loud.

Get back to your why, whether that be patient or customer care, meaningful work, integrity or your long-term goals. Refocusing on why you are here helps filter out the noise.

The goal here is to not let every difficult person disturb your peace. Remain steady enough they their chaos does not disconnect you from yourself and the work you do and remember that “the emptiest vessel makes the loudest sound”.