Birthday Thoughts
My birthday was a few weeks ago - and I normally use this time to reflect on the year ahead. Gosh, the last couple of years have been a bit of a struggle and one of the things I’ve learned….I can not do it all. That realization alone has given me personal freedom and validation to say no and not overcommit. I have also been reflecting a lot on something a coach said to me last year: “focus on what makes you happy”. This was in response to me feeling extremely stuck at work and off-balance in the home-work-life situation. The advice sounds simple enough, but I could not come up with easy answers. I think about this often, and my answers are pretty simple - time to exercise, time with family, time to work on things meaningful to me, and time to spend with friends. Here are some of my other lessons from the past year:
1. Your expectations of yourself and others have a lot to do with what was mirrored to you in childhood. That does not mean the expectation is right, though. For example, I have always put a lot on my plate and as I dug into this self-defining “value”, I learned that I equate my worth with what I accomplish (grades, sports, etc…). Acknowledging that alone is half the battle. Now, I am able to move forward by reframing those thoughts and having the belief that our actions don’t determine our worth. You are worthy just as you are. Your outlook determines your vision. In reverse, don’t expect people to have your vision that don’t have your outlook on life.
2. Work on YOURSELF. The energy you put out into the world matters. People react to that energy and it can either create or block other opportunities. What I mean by this is you need to understand what triggers you AND you need to know how to work through that so you aren’t in a state of stress or anger (and projecting that onto others). You also need to understand what you need to do individually each day to thrive. For me, that’s a little time alone, some exercise and good sleep. All of the other things like reading, meditation, etc… are bonuses.
3. The people you surround yourself with matter. Surround yourself with people that inspire you and make you better. Over the last few years, I have been fortunate to meet some wonderful people who not only are amazing and fun to be around, they are also awesome people to work through this stage of life. Of course, I’ve kept my oldest, closest (wonderful!) friends and in our new city, I have been able to be with people who uplift me. It’s important to be around people who have your back and don’t engage in gossip or drama.
4. Keep growing. Stay uncomfortable. You’re not thriving if you are merely surviving. You get one life, take the risks, don’t worry about what people think, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. That last one is the one I’m working on. Sometimes it’s okay to coast, though.. I’m at such a busy stage with my children, I don’t want to be making big moves professionally. But, I do want to continue to grow, put myself out there and pursue new opportunities in the areas that I am passionate about.
5. Buy gifts all year long. This year a lot of my friends have big birthdays. And almost every other weekend we are at a children’s birthday party. Scrambling the day before always leads to a lot of stress and I often think that if I had more time, I would be able to get a better gift. This year, when I see something perfect for someone, I am buying it and stashing it in the gift closet until the occasion runs around.