Health And Wellness In A Nutshell
Gosh, I’m so inconsistent with my blog, it’s killing me.
Last year, someone told me to focus more on finding out what makes me happy. This simple phrase kept working itself into conversations until I finally paid attention. What makes me happy? It’s been so long since I thought about that. My family, of course - but I wasn’t feeling a lot of joy. Instead, I was feeling bogged down with everything I had to do, focusing on where I wasn’t enough and was just generally exhausted trying to keep up. Work was bananas last year and the stress of that sucked out any life I had left in me at the end of the day. It also put a big spotlight on some of the holes in my thinking. Why am I killing myself at work (without the recognition, I might add)? Why don’t I feel like I’m good enough? Why won’t anyone listen to me?
Six months later, I’m in a completely different (and very good) place.
When I first started my Instagram account back in 2015, progress was slow but eventually I grew and I got to have quite a nice following. At the time, I was struggling with the mental load of motherhood and the inner guilt that I should go back to work. Instagram was my creative outlet. I also struggled a lot with the feeling that I “should” go back to work, however, the thought of going back to a job similar to my previous one made me break out in a sweat. My body was physically telling me no. Each time my social media account grew, I took that as a sign that I should keep going as I could impact way more people on social media than I could at my previous job. Sure, I was making sure we were Joint Commission compliant and leading process improvement initiatives, but connecting with others and educating and teaching about health and wellness was much more joy-bringing to me. Plus, I told myself, my previous department only had about 300 people in it and now my following was in the thousands. Maybe I can do more good here on social media (though at the time I wasn’t getting paid at all!)?
I had another baby, I got a little busier. We moved. Stages of life changed and I reflected that in my writing and accounts. Now, instead of trying to do it all, I’m focusing more on how I feel. All of the physical and mental elements of wellness are connected and because of that, I’m spending more time on getting my body back into shape, prioritizing nutrition (and sleep!), and building habits that make it easy to stick to these health goals. And don’t forget, let’s do all of this without feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not enough. That is where the mental work comes in.
Sigh. In many ways, my health and wellness journey took me inside. Yes, I could exercise all day long, but it was increasingly hard the busier I got with the kids and the more tired I became. So, now I was not only not exercising consistently, I was also feeling GUILTY for not exercising. I had to go deep and understand why I always felt like a failure if I didn’t finish an insignificant task. What was I measuring myself against? Why was I trying so hard but essentially getting no where.
Another baby, COVID challenges and going back to work really rocked me AND also, I think brought out the best in me. I was struggling so much that I had to do the work and figure it out.
And then on top of it all, everyone started to say - you need to do something with your Instagram account! You have so many followers - it could be so big! And it paralyzed me a little bit. I forgot what I was doing and what I wanted to do and my original intent of the account. And oh yes, don’t forget - work aka my day job was insane last year!
What I have learned is what I want to explore on this blog in the next few months. A lot of my internal stress and emotional health was because I just didn’t feel worthy or like I was good enough. I constantly had to push. I have done A LOT of work and am ready to share it now. A lot of it has to do with being still, breaking patterns, focusing on the good around me and giving myself a lot of grace.
Now this is the definitely the cliff-notes version, but I think it’s important to share and highlight that we are good enough, wherever we may be. Sometimes this wellness journey can get off-course. We look at what everyone else is doing, how exciting their life must be! What I really want to say is that doing more or being productive is not going to save you. The “It” skincare product or perfect fitness routine is not going to make you whole. That job or that person is not going to fix you. You are not going to feel better if you have the perfect wardrobe.
No, you are going to fix yourself and be whole (let’s argue that you don’t need fixing in the first place!) by going into yourself, doing the work and identifying your patterns. It takes trying a lot of different things and a lot of time. Please understand, there is no one size fits all and there is no quick fix - you may have to try five different types of eating before you find the one that works best for you and your body. But, if you are really on this journey then see it for what it is, the journey is the destination.
To me, that is what true wellness is - when the outside matches the inside. When we feel good about ourselves, when we KNOW that we are enough, when we stop feeling guilty for saying no….it’s much easier to have the stamina and will to make those healthy choices, go to bed on time and go for a walk.
When you enjoy your life wherever you may be on your journey.